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http://www.bbc.co.uk/virtualreplay/premiership/index.shtml?754

Double Blog Blocked

The Power of Me

I have single handedly dealt with Chelsea. Signed Lampard and Crespo - they're fucked. One draw, one sneaky win against Sunderland. Lampard is without a goal or assist since I signed him.

Meanwhile, I get rid of Van Persie - he comes on tonight and scores. I imagine he'll get a hat-trick on Saturday against Bolton.

How do I do it? Answers on a postcard.

Dr. (Jon, take note) Rakison

Ps GO STILLERS!!!!

blog-blocked

p.s. sorry Jon, I know it's your first post for ages, but we can't have that kind of actually negative thinking. When *we* say the Steelers will lose we're only pretending to be negative...

Who Cares About Fantasy...

When you've got Theo. YAY!

You've always suspected, but now there's proof

Tipsy referee sent off in Swedish game
17 January 2006

STOCKHOLM: An assistant referee was sent off from a Swedish third division ice hockey game over the weekend after the players began to suspect he was drunk.

During the contest between Sveg IK and Halsingegardens AIK one of the two assistant referees started behaving increasingly erratically and, smelling alcohol on his breath, the players became suspicious.

"The longer the match went on, the more he started to fall over and hold on to the boards, dropping his whistle and making contradictory signals," Sveg trainer Hakan Nilsson told Reuters yesterday.

"Some of the signs don't even exist in hockey. They looked more like he was doing the doggy paddle."

After the second period, the two teams had had enough and together with the referee took the linesman to the locker room for the final period.

The third period of the game, which Sveg won 6-3, was played with the remaining two referees.

How to survive the cold...

Apparently I have been using the wrong strategy, although they clearly have the right idea in Moscow...

MOSCOW - Animals at zoos across Russia were being given shots, or in some cases buckets, of vodka, to keep them warm yesterday as temperatures in the European part of the country plunged towards an exceptional minus 40 degrees Celsius.

In the ancient town of Yaroslavl a travelling circus there said it had been forced to start giving its trio of Indian elephants vodka mixed with water in buckets as the mercury dipped.

In Lipetsk, where meteorologists recorded temperatures of minus 32, the zoo's contingent of macaques was being fortified with cheap French table wine three times a day and in other zoos camels, wild boars and reindeer were being given regular shots of vodka to stave off the chill.

Here are the details...

BIG NEWS: Title Change

So it seems as if the only people that post on the blog (and I assume, that read it) are Nick, Charlotte, and myself. Given that nobody else in the league gives a shit, I thought I'd change the name of the blog to "Nick, Charlotte, and David are awesome and everyone else sucks and lacks the oomph to post on the blog". Its a bit long but I think you'll agree it has a ring to it.

Objections to be listed here within the next three days. Without said objections, the name will change on Jan 21st.

The Chairman

Charlotte Taylor: When will it stop?

Even in public, in front of hundreds of people (well, 10), CT has a serious problem with keeping her eyes open. Evidence is below. I am starting a charity to get CT corrective surgery and/or psychiatric help. In the meantime, I have hypothesized that CT is not eating enough food. Please send donations to:

Charlotte "Under nourished" Taylor Foundation (or as Caro and I like to refer to her (or it), CUNT for short)
The Loony Bin
Somewhere in England
FU2 CT8

Make all cheques payable to David Rakison. Or Caro Simard.

And finally, the boast

Many of you may have been surprised at my relative silence given my rise in the standings. The milestone of being able to refer to my team as being 5th from top instead of 5th from bottom has been heartily celebrated in real life, not least by my burgeoning liking for Stevie G who is mainly responsible for my current ranking (sorry Baros, I know you cut your hair specially for me, but it still looks lame).
But I've been putting off posting a public boast since I almost always drop in the ranknings following a boast. However, given my solid 5th placing, I'm throwing caution to the wind (plus, I have to regress to the mean at some point and I've been rising for more than a week so it must be soon).



There are several important things to note about this image:
1. I am 5th
2. I am above both Rakisons
3. I am solidly above D-Rak
4. I am above Jonny
5. I may live to regret boasting about 4 since I'm only 2 points ahead of him.
6. I am well above Jon Crossick.
7. Nick Crossick continues to be my nemesis and has risen in the ranks as much as I have.

Bring on the weekend. (and my precipitous fall in ranking)

OMG: Arsenal Sign Dy

Arsenal Sign Dy!
Arsene Wenger finally got his chequebook out and signed 22 year old Kazakhstani international Nobo Dy.Defensive midfielder Dy cost an amazing £450,000 even though he has over 50 international caps to his name. D

Described as the new Vieira by most who have been privileged enough to see him play, his agent said"Nobo is amazing. He's not the new Vieira, he's better than Vieira ever was. He's never lost the ball or been dispossessed in a match since he was 16."

Kazakhstani national team coach Borat Sagdiyev also shed some light on his star player who was previously unable to sign for Europe’s biggest clubs because Kazakhstani immigration officials wouldn't let him leave the country."Nobo can pass better than Zidane and works harder than any player we've ever seen. S

ometimes we are scared to let him train with the rest of the squad because he's so committed."Nicknamed 'The unstoppable raging bull', 6ft 5" Dy is surely the perfect signing for Arsene.He cost less than half a million and is regarded as the best player to have ever played in central midfield.

Surely Dy will now fight with Alex Song for the chance to push Flamini for his place in a 5-man midfield that has been improving week after week.Dy's signing will come as good news to gooners everywhere, but for a while it looked like the signing was not going to happen.

An Arsenal source revealed:"Arsene was close to waiting a couple of seasons to sign Dy because he was happy with the progress of Alex [Song] and really didn't see a need, but in the end the price seemed like the kind of deal he's been waiting for."Welcome to Arsenal Nobo Dy!

My new crush

Dear Stevie G.,
Thanks for putting me solidly in the middle of the table.
And more importantly, above D-Rak in the standings.

kisses.