I'm Sooooooo Depressed...

....by my fantasy team, my real team, my manager, my players, the weather, and that painful swelling on my left testicle. I feel like giving up, forever. At this point everything I do turns out badly. I sign players, they turn to shit. I get rid of players, they score a hat-trick, get 4 assists, and keep a clean sheet (good goalkeeping that is).

If I were a javelin thrower I'd win the toss and elect to receive.

What a twat I am.

Yours

Suicide Boy

Truthful reporting???

I thought the Stateside contingent would appreciate some candid reporting from the UK.

All hail Jimmy Bullard!

Apparently, he's the new player of the week. But who the hell is he???

It does dampen my hopes of winning the league that I haven't heard of half of the players in the league now. Where are the players I know and love from Columbus Crew and LA Galaxy?

It's Official

despite what I consider to be quite innovative transfers for my team this week, I am now exactly 100 points behind our current leader.

Perhaps I should rename my team The Arse?

Or actually, since I am fortunate enough to have Martyn as my goalie, the appropriate name is Everton.

And, to top off my impeccable management choices, I also have Van Persie, who you may remember was sent off on Wednesday.

Laughs to get you through

Photo of a note that Bush passed to Condi

Potential name for NZ badminton team

(NB all NZ sports teams are some variation on the All Blacks. e.g. Black Stick = hockey team; Tall Blacks = b'ball team. I only wish I'd thought of this name for my fantasy team)

Speaking of which...

A great day!

Apparently all my bitching on here has paid off; not only is the website up today, but they have also added Baros!

What could be better??!

WTF is up with the fantasy website???

WHY is it that whenever I try to make transfers the website craps out???

Can I get canned as per Jonny's suggestion if I'm UNABLE to make my trades???

How shit will I be if I can't get rid of Henry???

???

Good poll.

Interesting choice of topic. I was saddened that Steve Lomas was absent from the list, though -- he famously got a bit over-excited after scoring for Man City a few years back. Whatever gets you going, I suppose ...

Dear Mr Chairman

I think in the midst of all your bitching about no one posting, you have forgotten to change the poll. I have voted in the current one so many times my account is in danger of being locked. This makes me sad because Peter Crouch truly is the ugliest player in the Premiership. How about this for a poll topic: Do you think that the Arsenal-Middlesborough result yesterday was due to the thorough shitness of Arsenal, or because of a meteoric rise of Middlesborough talent?

Crystal balls.

Hello Spurs fans.

I reckon Liverpool are going to win 3-1 on Saturday, with a Cisse double. What do you think? Optimistic?

(You'll at least be pleased to know I've subbed Ledley King out of the Miracle of Istanbul. Hence he's now declared himself fit to play at the weekend.)

Anyone see the game in midweek?

I Like To Watch

Actually, it looks as if you lot like to watch - but not participate. Put it this way, you like to receive (bend over) but not to give. What am I talking about? I am talking about the fact that people (that is, you lot) are visiting the blog, seeing that nobody else has posted, and then not posting yourselves. See the stats on the right if you don't believe me. The blog is getting about 20 hits a day...with no new comments or posts. Sigh. I am very disappointed in all of you....especially you CT and NY.

I expect to see some new posts here soon or revealing pictures will start to appear again......

Back to Business

Ok everyone, the hiatus week is nearly over and its time to start slagging each other off again. There was quite a bit of movement the last time the premiership was in action (by Saturday it'll be 17 days since the Arse played). In the meantime:

First question: How many subs has everyone made already?

Second question: Don't you think Poom sounds like a sexual act?

Third question: Who do you think will be the surprise gem this season? I'm going for Etherington.

The Chairman

Improving our league position...

Our relative position in the league of leagues is being adversely affected by the performance of the Nick-CT axis...we could initiate a monthly cull of the worst performer to up the average??? Something to consider over the weekend. Or perhaps a topic for the first poll in September?

Headline in tomorrow's Daily Mirror

Spurs Buy Every Player on the Planet in the Hope that Some of Them are Half-Decent

Tottenham Wankspurs continue to amass players at an amazing rate. If they keep on buying footballers at this speed, we project that by 2007 their squad will total 1,357,453 first team players. Martin Jol was overheard yesterday on the phone ordering a pizza with meatballs. Why don't know why that's relevant, but we think that perhaps he was told that meatball pizza can play on the wing or upfront.